It has been a year and a half when I felt attracted to a guy and ever since, I have been praying to God to let those yearnings go away if we are not meant to be. It is through this attraction that I have learned to offer my love life to God, little by little, until I learned to wait patiently on Him, whether or not I will receive the reciprocation to this longing I have for so long.
It is also this attraction to the guy have I learned to let Thy will be done, to hope and accept for what may be a future forgone. My emotions are making everything complicated, yet God is making a way to make me understand what He wants me to learn.
I am currently reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot and this book has given me insights on my current situation. This quote summarizes what I have learned so far after a year of waiting on God, keeping that passion at bay:
If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren’t they given to us to offer? It is the control of passion, not its eradication, that is needed. How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?
Everything on this book is spot on to what I am feeling. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, the hope for this love will be reciprocated. But also, maybe not.
One thing for sure, through this season of waiting in my life, I have learned to be much more intimate in my relationship with Jesus.