Thoughts Jumbled, Emotions On High

This week was a very busy and emotional week. I have been in argument with my sister for things uncontrollable, and with her saying words that hurt, I felt those words pierce my heart tenfold. I felt angry, hurt and broken. But things turned around and I realized I was selfish. In my heart, I’ve decided to forgive her for words she said.

But then tonight, we again had an argument. This time, she did not only said words that hurt me, but also my mom. We just arrived from travel and was a bit tired, but when we got home, she was there, ranting about things she could have done herself. Her argument came to the point that we are selfish and we didn’t take into consideration her needs. I was pissed.

I really can’t fathom why there are people who cannot say what they want to say in nice way. Why is she disrepectful to people older than her? Why can’t she be thankful enough? Why, of all people, is she my sister?

I am angry at her, and felt broken by the words she said. When the disciples asked how many times do we forgive other people, Jesus said, “seventy times seven”. Seriously?!

But then, I remember how I sinned against God. I’ve done things that hurt Him. I’ve questioned my purpose. I’ve doubted His existence. I’ve rebelled and chosen the wrong way. But He still loved me. He still accepted me. He still chose to send His Son Jesus to die for me. Jesus chose to be crucified on the cross, so that I can be saved. He loved me so much so that someday, I can be with Him.

When I remember my past, what I have done and what Jesus has done for me, I melt again. That anger in me melts away. It is not by my might that I can forgive. It is by the grace of the Lord that I realize how to love and forgive. His unfathomable love melts away everything. Then, I repent. I have decided to forgive again. Just as Jesus said. “Seventy times seven”.

It’s not easy. But only through His grace can we do it. His love overwhelms.


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