My Love Letter to FL p1

Dear Future Lover (FL),

How are you tonight?

You know, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. I’ve been to several places in the Philippines and I’ve kept a journal so that someday, when we meet, I’ll be telling you all those stories. You know how I miss you when I travel alone? I’m looking forward to meeting you so whenever I wanna go on travel, I’d have a buddy to accompany me and talk to me for hours. I have been sleeping on the bus whenever there’s long travel, but when I meet you, I look forward to hearing your stories on how you meet new people, travelled around and escape “oh no!” circumstances. But most of all, when we’ll have long travels, I look forward to looking deep in your eyes and sleeping on your shoulder. I’ve been waiting for you for so long that when I meet you, I know I will cherish those little moments.

You know, I received news that one of my friends is currently in the hospital. Tomorrow, we’ll visit her and pray for her healing. When I meet you, I long to see you accompany me to places of friends, hang out with them, laugh with them and pray for them. I long to see you spend time with the ones I love, and getting hooked with your conversations with them. I know you’d be a natural people person and a fun guy to be with.

I look forward to meeting you, for when I meet you, I know we’ll have endless conversation about anything and everything under sun — whether it is about politics, religion, education, organizations and even my pet dog and cats. When I meet you, I know we’ll have quality conversations that will stir the mind, the heart and the soul of our own true selves.

 

When I meet you, I know God answered my prayer for a bestfriend and a lover. I look forward to meeting you even if I do not know you yet, for I know, that time will soon come. I’ve been waiting for you for so long that all these time I’ve been waiting, I know, I’ll be waiting no more.

Love,

Your future lover

My Passion and Yearnings

It has been a year and a half when I felt attracted to a guy and ever since, I have been praying to God to let those yearnings go away if we are not meant to be. It is through this attraction that I have learned to offer my love life to God, little by little, until I learned to wait patiently on Him, whether or not I will receive the reciprocation to this longing I have for so long.

It is also this attraction to the guy have I learned to let Thy will be done, to hope and accept for what may be a future forgone. My emotions are making everything complicated, yet God is making a way to make me understand what He wants me to learn.

I am currently reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot and this book has given me insights on my current situation. This quote summarizes what I have learned so far after a year of waiting on God, keeping that passion at bay:

If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren’t they given to us to offer? It is the control of passion, not its eradication, that is needed. How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?

Everything on this book is spot on to what I am feeling. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, the hope for this love will be reciprocated. But also, maybe not.

One thing for sure, through this season of waiting in my life, I have learned to be much more intimate in my relationship with Jesus.

I have Questions and God Answered 

Every year, my spiritual family in Victory (globally known as Every Nation) gathers to participate in a week-long prayer and fasting (P&F). It is the time where instead of choosing our desires, we choose God. 

This year’s P&F is special for me. Our topic is “Knowing God” intimately. This is the year I’m also believing God, more than all the answered prayers for the upcoming months, that I’ll be able to hear God’s whisper during my quiet times. 

My most memorable times are the ones I’ve believed and claimed in faith to happen, and indeed, God fulfilled those faith goals. As what Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is being sure of what you hope for and being certain of what you do not see (CEV).”

During this year’s P&F, here are some of my decision questions I’m praying for and indeed, God answered them one by one after only three weeks into 2017. 

1) Career: Will I have another opportunity with another employer or will I stay at my current company? God knows I’m vying for career advancement. 

2) Emotion: For one year, I’ve been attracted to this guy friend that I have, yet he does not know my feelings and I have no idea if these feelings I have for him will be reciprocated. 

3) How can I be effective in sharing Jesus to other people?

4) Love: How will I know the man I’ll marry? I’m already at that marrying age and I’m still waiting. 

These are personal questions I have with Jesus and during my quiet times, he answered it one by one through the book of Ephesians:

1) Career: Stay and be excellent.

Ephesians 2:7 Now God had us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 6:5b-8 Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God (MSG)

2) Emotion: Love him like a brother. Love without expecting something in return.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. (MSG)

3) Sharing the gospel: Though I’m not qualified, God will equip me. 

Ephesians 3:7 This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to this message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details. When it came to presenting the Message to people who had no background in God’s way, I was the least qualified of any of the available Christians. God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities (MSG).

4) Love: He will be a husband in qualities to you. That way, you’ll know He’s the one. 

Ephesians 5:22b-28a The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives (MSG). 

Indeed, it is just weeks into 2017 and God has already been answering my questions. He has given me peace with the decisions I’ve made and I just know He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know 2017 will be an amazing year for me.  

Waiting on God

Let me share a chapter of my love story.

Ten years ago, I was a gal innocently going through the motions of life. I was a high school student, A lister, a nerd (as they say) and just a normal looking person who is wishing for a God-written love story. But the world has its way of teaching us what love is – contrary to what the Bible teaches us in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (CEV):

Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!

I remember my teacher in my Christian Value’s class talking about the three (3) types of love: Eros, Phileos and Agape. Eros – emphasizing on physical love, Phileos – characterizing love of a friend and/or family, and Agape – which allows us to see unconditional love (an example would be Jesus ^_^). That time, I just want to experience Agape, never fully knowing what the other two may really mean. As time goes by, I come to experience and see the difference of each.

Maturity

I am just an ordinary girl with no idea about crushes and love. I am consumed with studying, and improving myself as a person. Back then, I hate make up and dressing up. Instead, I find comfort with jeans. It was when I was in third year college that I felt this weird feeling of admiring the opposite sex, feeling giddy just to see him and sometimes getting so tongue-tied when in front of him. Every morning, I would think of him, and every night, I would dream about him. More on the physical type of love, and before I knew it, I had already fallen in love with him.

The danger of this one was that it was rooted in admiration of physical attributes. We became friends, and eventually, became lovers. We were so consumed with each other that we rarely had time to focus on ourselves, and other things important to our life. Eventually, we separated and I was left heartbroken. I was left wondering what went wrong, and if I had chosen wrong.

Heart
seyed mostafa zamani / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Time passed by and the search for someone to be with me forever never really left my heart. I focused on other things for the mean time — academics, work, family and friends. They say being single is a gift from God because this is the season where we can give back your talents to our Creator and allow us to enjoy our relationship with Him before our relationship with the one whom He chooses. They are right, because being single allowed me to realize so many things about myself — my likes and dislikes, how I adjust with people and problems, and most especially how I apply what I learned to new things that happen to me. This season is a gift, and I am forever thankful for it.

However, there will still come a time when one would want to enjoy life with someone by their side. I am at that season. But I also know that my God is a big God who knows my needs (and my wants) and I know He will deliver at that right time. It is very hard on my part as I know I am burning with desire to marry, but then, I also know, that if I am not able to enjoy every single moment of my life alone, I also won’t be able to enjoy it with someone else.

Waiting on God is very hard, I can assure you, but it is also a test of faith. A test of patience. A test of trust to the One who will give me that loving person. I am at this time of my life when God prunes a certain part of me because I am impatient and I am a complainer. I am thankful for the web where I can share my thoughts and the thought that I am not alone — that somewhere, someone else feels the same way as I do gives me encouragement. I know I am still a work in progress and this point of my life might be very important for the upcoming season where I’ll enjoy being with God’s choice for me. I don’t know what God thinks, but one thing is for sure – whatever is happening to me right now is what He thinks is the best for me. Maybe, someday, I’ll be spending the rest of my life with my other half, just like this couple below.

cute penguin couple - explored
Adam Foster | Codefor / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

So now, maybe we’re on the same boat and you are waiting on God. You might not be waiting for someone special, but you are waiting for God’s provision, or His answer to a specific prayer. My thoughts on that — still, wait on God. He might be lengthening the time being because He wants us to be patient, to trust Him, to have faith in Him more. Whatever that is, remember you’re not alone. We are on the same boat and just believe (as I do right now) that whatever we are waiting for, He is working on it and working something great on us. Just believe. 🙂

One thing I learned about love in the past ten years is this: Love is patient, love is kind. It isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It is always hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails. Even if my first love failed to make me happy, true love will never fail to encourage and give lasting happiness. That is what I learned in the past ten years — that is, love rooted in the physical attributes of this world will never last, but the love rooted in God will last forever and I am willing to wait on that no matter what I feel right now.

God will write my own love story

Now, it’s high time to get emotional. I’m alone and the reality kicks in: I’m feeling lonely in this time of the year.

While writing this, several thoughts came morphing into my mind. Why this? Why that? I hope it’s like these and that. I know God has saved me from my past and He is working through me, but then the enemy is trying to pull me away from the idea that God will write my own love story.

 

**This is what I was thinking six months ago, when the wind’s cold and the rain’s pouring down.**

 

Now, I  can’t help but smile and think of the happy moments I’m with him. Though he does not know, I’m just enjoying the fact that after 4 years of waiting, I finally realized I am ready to fall in love again. This time, I know,

God will be the author of my own love story.

Desire of my Heart

Since October last year, I have this doubts in myself and where I want to be. I feel insecure, sad and incompetent because I work in a company where I’m not practicing my course. I’ve prayed and prayed and asked God why He is so quiet, but then, I still trusted Him.

As I am writing this, I heard this passage on KLOVE.com via streaming, “Delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” This is very true to my life — to my CAREER life as I can see.

I know that at some point in my life, I’e disappointed my Tatay but as I hold on to his promises, He never let go of me. NO MATTER WHAT.

Through Jobstreet, I found GENYO. Through the trainings, I found new friends. Through FAITH, I found my career.  I don’t know why, but I feel excited on working for DIWA. I feel excited to go to different places to conduct teacher trainings; much more to promote GENYO and advance education in the Philippines through technology. I feel like I’m stepping a stone ahead of me —  toward light. God knows my desires, and He never fails to give not what I want, but what is best for me.

Now, I don’t regret why I worked in a call center before, I felt rejected, I became broke, I felt heartbroken because God has plans. Though those instances are not what I want, God allowed that to happen because he’s molding me into a kind of person who’ll be capable of HIS work. He’s preparing me into my greater destiny. And for that, I THANK GOD and give glory to HIM.

When You Love Someone

What will you do? Give them everything they want? Bring them to any places they want to go to? What will it be for you when you love someone?

I just realized the extent of my actions when it comes to falling in love. Nahulog talaga ako in real sense. Kaso, tulad nga ng sabi ko, siya ang unang nagsawa kaya siya ang nang-iwan. Hindi pa daw niya kilala ang sarili niya. Gusto ko siyang maging masaya kaya wala akong nagawa.

I accidentally opened his account and saw his pictures with his friends and his new girlfriend. “Yung ipinalit niya sa akin.”


Nasaktan ako, sobrang sakit talaga. Hindi ko na nga namalayan na lumuluha na ako. Minsan, pag nagbabasa ako tapos sasabihin ng author na lumuluha na kaagad sila nang hindi nila namamalayan habang inaalala ang nakaraan, hindi ako naniniwala. OWS. Paano naman kaya un na hindi mo mapansin na lumuha ka na pala?

Well, nung makita ko yung pictures ng ex ko at ng girlfriend niya ngayon, lumuha ako. Masaya na silang magkasama. Nakakita na ang ex ko ng bestfriend na kahit kailan ay hindi niya itinuring sa akin. Masakit para sa akin. Pero masaya ako. Kung saan siya masaya, dun ako. Ganun naman yata talaga.

Dati, iniisip ko pa na baka balang araw, magkatuluyan pa kami. Kaso, nabuntis na niya yung girlfriend niya. Masaya naman sila eh. Kilala ko siya, matagal na niya gustong magkaroon ng sariling pamilya. Ako naman, bata pa noon, nag-aaral pa, gusto ko pa munang abutin ang mga pangarap.Kaya hayun, hindi naging kami. Ganoon yata talaga.

Siguro ganun talaga. When you love someone, you’ll do anything for him/her. Sa case ko, alam kong wala nang pag-asa kaya hanggang wish you well na lang ako. ‘Pag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, handa kang gawin ang lahat, kahit na ang kapalit noon ay ang masaktan ka, maging masaya lang siya. Siguro, way na rin ni BRO na mangyari iyon. ‘Ika nga, Everything happens for a PURPOSE. (Ano kayang purpose iyon? I’m yet to know)


Kung mabasa man niya ito, well, wish you happiness with your new family. I love you. And goodbye. (ang drama?) Haha. Tama na nga ito. Enjoy life na lang para masaya  🙂