Thoughts Jumbled, Emotions On High

This week was a very busy and emotional week. I have been in argument with my sister for things uncontrollable, and with her saying words that hurt, I felt those words pierce my heart tenfold. I felt angry, hurt and broken. But things turned around and I realized I was selfish. In my heart, I’ve decided to forgive her for words she said.

But then tonight, we again had an argument. This time, she did not only said words that hurt me, but also my mom. We just arrived from travel and was a bit tired, but when we got home, she was there, ranting about things she could have done herself. Her argument came to the point that we are selfish and we didn’t take into consideration her needs. I was pissed.

I really can’t fathom why there are people who cannot say what they want to say in nice way. Why is she disrepectful to people older than her? Why can’t she be thankful enough? Why, of all people, is she my sister?

I am angry at her, and felt broken by the words she said. When the disciples asked how many times do we forgive other people, Jesus said, “seventy times seven”. Seriously?!

But then, I remember how I sinned against God. I’ve done things that hurt Him. I’ve questioned my purpose. I’ve doubted His existence. I’ve rebelled and chosen the wrong way. But He still loved me. He still accepted me. He still chose to send His Son Jesus to die for me. Jesus chose to be crucified on the cross, so that I can be saved. He loved me so much so that someday, I can be with Him.

When I remember my past, what I have done and what Jesus has done for me, I melt again. That anger in me melts away. It is not by my might that I can forgive. It is by the grace of the Lord that I realize how to love and forgive. His unfathomable love melts away everything. Then, I repent. I have decided to forgive again. Just as Jesus said. “Seventy times seven”.

It’s not easy. But only through His grace can we do it. His love overwhelms.

Through Thick and Thin

It is good to have friends who can share our accomplishments and cheer for us, cry with us if we are ever so down, and fight for us when other people do not believe in us.

In the previous months, my mind and my heart was in conflict whether or not to look for career growth elsewhere. I’m vying for career advancement, but at the time, I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve blogged my thoughts in this post, and you see, I came to the conclusion that it’s better to cultivate the grass on my own lawn, be happy about it and just be excellent with what was given to me. So, I stayed. It was not easy, though.

I was trying my best to become the person I’ve dreamed about myself five years ago, but the reality was that I was not close to it. Even far from it. I had envisioned myself to be working in a production industry for development-oriented programs, but God had other plans. He chose that I flourish in the eLearning industry.

My career in the eLearning industry is not without bumps and obstacles. I started as a learning integration specialist — a school consultant on how to use technology inside the classroom, then worked as a specialist — learning everything I need to know about the industry. I’ve had several managers, met new people, dealt with a hundred issues, and was left behind by friends who chose their paths to their own career growth. It was not easy staying and being left behind, but I know, everything was kept in order so I will understand God’s purpose someday. Recently, I just realized how privileged I am to have a career that I really like, earn money for it, and help other people through it. I may have been anxious some time this year as to why things happen, but true enough, the kind words of friends helped me see the bigger picture.


An anxious heart weighs a man down, but kind words cheer him up.

Proverbs 12:25


In the previous years, I had been insecure and a bit immature, and I wanted to rush things for my career growth. Back then, I would tell my friends my aspirations and they will tell me upfront if something is amiss and I need to endure. They would tell me to my face if I had been too proud of myself, yet celebrate with me if I would receive good news. When I was struggling in my career, my friends were there. If I had done wrong, they rebuke me gently so I will do the right thing next time.

You know, it is rare that we find people who would be there for us through thick and thin, but if we do find them, we hold on to them and never let go. I am just so thankful for friends who say the right words when things don’t go right, and for friends who are still by my side after all these years. If you also happen to have those kind of people in your life, don’t let go. Instead, cultivate that friendship to last a lifetime.


I realized that I have lived a good life with these friends around. So, I just wanted to honor these people who showed me love over the years:


My Love Letter to FL p1

Dear Future Lover (FL),

How are you tonight?

You know, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. I’ve been to several places in the Philippines and I’ve kept a journal so that someday, when we meet, I’ll be telling you all those stories. You know how I miss you when I travel alone? I’m looking forward to meeting you so whenever I wanna go on travel, I’d have a buddy to accompany me and talk to me for hours. I have been sleeping on the bus whenever there’s long travel, but when I meet you, I look forward to hearing your stories on how you meet new people, travelled around and escape “oh no!” circumstances. But most of all, when we’ll have long travels, I look forward to looking deep in your eyes and sleeping on your shoulder. I’ve been waiting for you for so long that when I meet you, I know I will cherish those little moments.

You know, I received news that one of my friends is currently in the hospital. Tomorrow, we’ll visit her and pray for her healing. When I meet you, I long to see you accompany me to places of friends, hang out with them, laugh with them and pray for them. I long to see you spend time with the ones I love, and getting hooked with your conversations with them. I know you’d be a natural people person and a fun guy to be with.

I look forward to meeting you, for when I meet you, I know we’ll have endless conversation about anything and everything under sun — whether it is about politics, religion, education, organizations and even my pet dog and cats. When I meet you, I know we’ll have quality conversations that will stir the mind, the heart and the soul of our own true selves.


When I meet you, I know God answered my prayer for a bestfriend and a lover. I look forward to meeting you even if I do not know you yet, for I know, that time will soon come. I’ve been waiting for you for so long that all these time I’ve been waiting, I know, I’ll be waiting no more.


Your future lover

How Do You Deal with Rejection?

Remember my dream to study abroad for a Master’s degree? If you read other blogs sharing their story about getting their dream after several tries, it gives hope. But what happens when after several tries, you still don’t fulfill the dream you have for yourself?


For the last two years, I’ve applied for scholarships to be able to take a Master’s degree in the field of Instructional Design and Educational Technology:

Walden University Scholarship 

Fulbright Scholarship

Chevening Scholarship

Endeavor Scholarship

University of Nottingham Masters Scholarship

Recently, I got a rejection letter from a scholarship I’ve applied for a Master’s degree. When I read that letter, I cried.
You know, this letter is not the first rejection letter I’ve received. I’ve felt ecstatic upon realizing I got into several universities abroad, but knowing I may not be able to start the Master’s degree without a scholarship to support me felt devastating, especially when you’ve been rejected several times.

This is not only applicable to a dream I have in professional growth, but also in relationships. So many times, I’ve been asking God when He would take away this desire to romantically love and show another person that intimacy God created in me but many times, I feel rejected. Rejected in a sense that I have to wait, because there’s no man yet who can meet the standard He has designed for me. I am not counting it as losing hope, but instead, I consider it as testing — a spiritual refining, so that in the end, when my dream is fulfilled or when I marry the man I’ll love, I know, it will all be worth it.

So for now, how do you deal with rejection you’ve so many times received?

1) Cry. Mourn. Grieve.

It is just normal to get hurt when you are rejected. This is the time to let out your emotion and let your senses feel the need to understand the situation that you will not be able to reach your dream. Is it all to no avail? You’ve done everything to get what you want but why are you rejected? Is it because you are not worthy enough? These are most of the questions that plague us. Can we escape the pain? Can we turn our back to the reality that we are rejected?

The answer is no.

The circumstance will not change when you are rejected. But you can change your attitude on how you respond to that rejection.

Why? Because if you undergo this stage, it will be easier to heal from the hurt you feel. This stage is essential when you let out the seering pain that rejection caused you and then it is on this stage you feel the freedom to choose to respond to rejection in a good way, or bad way.

2) Choose to accept.

Accepting the decision of the other party is easy to say, but hard to do. It will involve strength in facing the next days of your life without realizing your dreams, not regretting your plan to risk it after all. But then, if you choose to accept, it means letting go of everything that would attach you to the other party. It means not looking back and moving on to another direction. Choosing to accept means making that intent never to go back in the past just to regret, but to use it as an inspiration to move forward.

3) Move forward. 

It can be very tempting to choose to accept yet stay where you are. But in order to deal with rejection, it is necessary to give it all to the One who gave you those emotions and start walking one step at a time towards another dream you have. Think of it as one door of opportunity that closed, yet, God opens the windows to let in other opportunities to come your way. You may be looking for doors of opportunities, but really, you are meant to open several windows.

It is a matter of perspective. Would you choose to stay where you are and after few months, or years, you’ll realize that nothing really changed? Moving forward is taking those little steps to move ahead from what you experiencing. Move ahead from the pain. Yes, there may still be pain, but eventually, the memory of it will fade as you walk one step at a time.

Do you like doing other things? Focus on those. Think of all the rejection you’ve experienced as a chapter of your life you want to share to your future kids, or to other people who needed inspiration. But different from other stories, it will not give hope to reach for your dreams but instead, it will be a story to show how you endured the pain and how you moved forward.


Every now and then, people are not looking for success stories, but for inspirations they can get hope from. Maybe, you can also share your story of how you deal with rejection. Who knows? Your story might provide a way to change their perspective in life.

The One that Got Away

Recently, a love letter written by Philippine actor Aga Mulach for previous love team Lea Salonga circulated like wildfire in social media. This love letter entitled, “To The One Who Got Away”, embodies love not reciprocated, love never known and love never declared. This is the kind of love one has regretted but really never existed. 

I may have been talking about a person, but when it relates to me, I’m talking about passion. Each person has his own dream, but not everyone fulfills their dream. It can be marriage, financial success, or a love to last for a lifetime.  Most of the time, deep in our hearts, we have a dream that people around us normally don’t believe we can do. That is my story and I’m sharing a dream I have that I consider as the One that Got Away.

Three years ago, I joined the product development team of our company. I was a newbie when I joined the department but I was determined to know everything. I helped my manager with our e-learning development project, and eventually, I was given the chance to handle it myself. Most of our products are e-learning materials so within that span of time, I got interested with e-learning development, project management and most especially, instructional design.

Ever since after graduation, it is my dream to take a Master’s degree abroad. But I don’t know what particular field I’ll study. I’m interested to pursue a graduate degree related to instructional design, elearning development and product development but none of these are available here in the Philippines back then. 

So,  I upgraded my dream. I applied for slots in US and UK universities offering graduate degrees in Instructional Design, Interactive Design, Interactive Media and User Experience Design. I was able to get into the universities, but without a scholarship, I won’t be able to fully support myself. 

Hence, I consider this dream to study abroad as the One that Got Away. I have this dream but it seems it’s not meant for me, at least not yet. I still wanted to take a graduate degree so I think I’ll explore here first in PH. Maybe you also have your own version of the One who Got Away. If that’s the case, maybe you can also share your own version.

PS: You know what I did with this opportunity that never really existed? I accepted my fate. If we’re on the same page, here’s my suggestion:

Move on. Live life. 
Learn. Inspire. Flourish. Explore.

Learn from your mistakes.

Inspire other people with your stories.

Flourish where you are planted. Grow.

Explore the world around you. The world is a better place if we enjoy it.

Do You have a Pioneering Heart?

I have listened to the podcast of Brian Houston of Hillsong countless times about having a pioneering heart. I have taken notes, and at some point, got bored with it so I played around with words and colors. 

Who are the pioneers?

What are the characteristics of those with a pioneering heart?

Lastly, what’s in it for us if we have a pioneering heart?

10 Things About Me 

This is my 10th year blogging my heart out, but in the past ten years, I haven’t been faithful writing my thoughts and sharing it to you. (Blogging is really hard work, just like how you work hard for your relationships). 😄

So now, I’m giving you 10 things you might want to know about me:

10) I’m halfway through the year before I turn 30. 

Yes, I do not look like it, but I already have lots of experience in terms of love and life. Might I say I have a colorful past, I’m enjoying nevertheless my last few months of being 20-ish.


9) I have been a mother to babies with names that end in y, and I love them!

If my memory serves me right, I’ve been a friend and a mother to Smarty, Globey, Spotty and Lassy. I guess that obsession with letter Y never leaves me.


8) I am fond of watching Kdramas. 

Filipinos are fond of watching Kdramas and I’m just one of them. I remember back in the university when I would ask for copies of Kdrama after our exam period. I have a hard time remembering their names, though, I mostly like the storyline of most Kdrama series.


7) I have sweet-tooth.

I am fond of eating chocolates, cakes, ice cream and anything sweet. These foods make me hyper and giddy, as well as it serve as my brain food during intense brainstorming.


6) I love reading books!

I don’t have the talent to finish 400-page book in a few hours, but I love the feel of turning the page and learning about the characters in the story. Christian fiction novels are my favorite!


5) Forest or beach? Forest please!

And anything that comes with it. Falls, mountains, and nature are my element. I feel so relaxed, calm and peaceful whenever we have mountain trips.


4) I am a certified e-learning enthusiast.

For the past 7 years of my career, I have been exposed to the e-learning industry. I had trained teachers and students on how to use our e-learning product and now, I have been developing content for our e-learning system. This industry is one that is just booming in the Philippines so I am excited to see what’s in store for this industry, especially in the education sector.


3) Jollibee Chicken Joy and Mini Stop’s Fried Chicken, Peach Mango Pie and Dunkin Donut’s Choco Butternut are my comfort food. 

Whenever I feel so down, stressed and super hungry, I usually look for these food. These, for me, are heaven here on earth.


2) I have an on-off relationship with my bed. 

Yes. I’m single and during most of my free time, you would find me in my bed reading books, munching some junk foods, writing in my journal and sleeping for a normal of 10 hours. If I get so busy in a week which means I only get to sleep 2-3 hours, then after a day or two of continuous sleep deprivation, I would get sick and my body will force me to sleep for more than 12-15 hours. Abnormal? I do think so. I guess I still have this appetite for sleep like a teenager.


1) I’m more likely 70% introvert, 30% extrovert. 

I’ve improved, you know. Before, I would go inside my shell whenever I need to interact with people. I highly value my personal space. When I make friends, I make sure they’re just few but our relationships last longer.

When we grow older, we meet new people and we adjust to situations. That’s why there’s that 30% extroversion. Now, when I need to communicate with other people, I have that confidence to go out of my way and introduce myself.

So there. I hope you can relate with 10 little things about me. 🙂